I don’t have a title for this blog. Just a general update on what’s been going on really.
Well after 9 days I got a new job. I’m just five days into training and already pondering what it will hold. There is A LOT to learn. We spent the whole day, learning how to use the back up system, known as AS400 on the second day! I think it will be a system I need to get the hang of, but once I do it will become second nature. I’ve decided I am going back to Uni. I’m looking forward to being absorbed in Biology and hopefully taking a foundation to get onto the degree I want. But i really do need to start planning, getting in touch with UCAS, the SLC etc etc.One of the great things about going back to Uni will be going through the experience with one of my best friends Danny. He’s my rock and will be there to leen on no doubt. There is a placement year on our courses where I’m sure we’ll seperate. I hope David will take a year out and come with me but we’ll have to see. All I know is I’ll get to study animals in a different country for a year! Some of the following on my mind are:
Any of those would be fantastic. And if I get that far, I will be very proud. For now though, I must concentrate on getting back into education,and trying to get some much needed funding as a mature student.
My weight has dropped again. Which is a bit strange as I thought I was gaining weight. I bought some smart black pants in a size 12 and they are huge! As are a lot of my clothes. Needless to say, apart from ”those” fat days, I am now a size 10, even an 8 in some stores *gulp.
Yesterday I sorted through the junk in my room for hours. I’m still not done but I’m getting there. I got some second hand pink paint yesterday. And I am planning on doing some sort of design on one of the walls. Hanging the array of art/pictures I have and creating more of a guest room/haven. I was going to sell my desk, but if I do go back into education full time, I’m going to need that.
It’s had it’s highs and it’s defiantly had it’s lows!
Firstly, a member of my family, Gonzo died on Sunday. he was ran over by ‘Magnum Whiteline’ taxi’s. Based in Prestwich the driver killed him and then drove back past after dropping off passengers! In shock I called them and no one was owning up to it.
I hope they are consumed with guilt.
My Birthday wasn’t the best in the world, more of a repeat of last year. Only Dave, and our immediate family sent cards. Not one friend. Which is a little disheartening, as I spend so bloody much on people! And no, I can’t just stop. I get immense plesure out of making someone happy. Maybe I’m selfish.
There is some joy though, David seemed to be a little happier and I’m trying my best to make the house better. I’m not feeling so good at the moment, but with the most beautiful art I have seen in a long while being shown at the RG gallery on Thomas St in town, I can’t not accompany Dave to town today.
So off to the shower with me, I can only hope next week is much more easier to bear.
Last night, whilst drifting off to sleep, lady nature decided to wake everyone up with a shake, rattle and roll. Or in other words an earthquake, which is flippin’ rare in England and something that deserves a blogging.
At first I thought it was a strong wind, but the whole bed shook so winds were clearly not to blame and busy bothering some sailors in a far off sea. I only felt a tremor and it woke me up so I hope the people in Barnsley where it hit are ok, according to recent news reports only one man is injured.
In other news, I can’t quite seem to shake off bits of my past. Maybe it’s because people and places that reside in my past are seemingly moving on, and I am going nowhere at the moment. Hopefully when I start my career and the move to a different country becomes apparent, I’ll start to feel better. Stil, there’s a lingering sense of ‘am I good enough?’ in every part of my life, and it’s starting to piss me off. As well my mind being mushed up, work have decided to trial a new program on our computer system. Which is suppose to make life easier. It’s had the opposite effect and has given me the extra kick to try and leave.
After talking to some ’senior ladies on my team, I have a whole new prospective regarding my manager. I never saw things from her pov. And after realising that she isn’t the devil incarnet, I’ve decided to just get on with it and try to be nice. Afterall what harm comes from being nice to someone? Not a lot, I hope.
There’s been some progress on my room. I’ve been seriously depressed lately, and I think having crap lying around everywhere is not helping. So now that I don’t have my own computer and I’ve temporarily lost Dave to Eve *the game. I scrubbed the floor with the Hoover, took my keyboard out of storage and am setting up my sewing machine this week. So hopefully I can get going and make some cushions and clothing to sell or wear. For the meantime though, I must pop off and apply for jobs.
And how. Not purchased, no. But darn the new NS album sounds delicious. Long have I had a love for Matthew C & co, and they never sees to amaze me. Lucky, the new album looks low-key in their arty, earthy ways. And although I’ve only heard the first two tracks, they have once again brought me to life.
That’s one of the reaons I love Nada Surf so much. Their a band that’s always there. When I’m down, when I’m high, I love them and will never let go. Unlike my JJ obsession, ND seem to share my poetic outlook on life, unlike me they also possess a gift which allows them to put it in song.
Besides getting all hysterical over pretty americans, I booked an emergency appointment today at the doctors, after doubling over in pain at the end of my shift. Maybe my stomach sensed my manager’s imminent return, or maybe it’s a bit bent.
Either way, my doctor prescribed 6 boxes of puke-coloured mixture I must gulp down to avoid the pains in my gut. What if I don’t down it? I have to go to hospital *shudders*. Lately I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, or rather finding. Nope, I haven’t found anything yet, which is why i’m so blue at the moment. That and the overwhelming pit of laziness I just can’t drag myself out of. There’s so much i’d love to do, paint, film, compose, sing. But it all seems so far out of my reach. When compared to morgages, bills and maintaining the car, to drive to work, to pay for the car, that drives me to work (yes, I’m a ‘The Tiny’ fan).
Part of my new outlook is not only to de-crap my life by getting rid of old stuff, but also by continuely assessing my relationships with people. A lot of people let me down last year. A lot of people walked over me, some for the first time, and some for the last time. So if you need that last penny for your cup o tea….sorry I can no longer help you. If you want me to support you but you decide to ‘not be avaliable’ for the favor.
Turn round, and walk the other way. Don’t come back and fuck me over. I’m ill and tired and simply can’t be bothered with half arsed antics anymore. Speaking of which, my sister has been upto no good again, along with the help of her ex. I wish she’d give my mum a fucking break. I feel so sorry for her, but at the same time, I can’t really do much.
Gloves. Still needing them and loving it. I like the cold. I can bear it, I can look nice and I have a lot of wintery clothes. But spring is finally dawning, which is my favorite season. It’s still quite cold but green and yellows emerge and bunnies come out to play 
Horrar for easter. Most likely my baking trend will continue into easter. It’s tiring but extremely satifying.
”The way to a man’s heart, IS through his stomach”. Well that’s one way. So apart from wanting to run away to Paris, adore the Surf and throw my inhibitions to the wind, the theme park season is vastly approaching. Which means more time with the ATAers and the only parties I go to, well the best ones. A holiday abroad again with friends would be something to treasure. I don’t know where I’d fit it in though. What with, fishing with my dad, going away for Dave’s grandad’s birthday and planning a trip to Canada and Germany. It will hopefully be a busy and happy year.
I am in awe, and not in a good way. In augst 2006 I ordered Dave a Bill Hicks DVD from play.com. It never arrived, I don’t think I was billed and so I forgot about the whole thing. Upon checking my bank account online today I noticed a debit for £9.99
Knowing I had not ordered anything, as I no longer intended to use the account, as they screwed up delivery of an xmas present (bought way before novemeber). I checked my account, and there was a ‘completed’ order for the dvd! Over a year later they decide to ship and bill me for the dvd! No email letting me know, no nothing. I would have at least expected them to check I still wanted the order. Nope, ’ship it out!’
They have subsquencly recieved a reply from me;
”I could not find any other way to contact you, as there appears to be no email address in your help section. And I could no longer wait on hold on the phone. As 50mins is ridiculous and has cut into my phone bill this month hugely!
I would like to know why I was not informed about this item being sent? As I ordered it two years ago, I am not a person who checks accounts online everyday. And did not remember ordering this. Consequently, I am in the process of closing down the bank account I have registered to my play.com account and thanks to you processing an order from over 18months I am now overdrawn. And will have to pay fines to my bank. At Amazon, I am emailed before any shipment is made. I find it humiliating as a customer to be treated in such a manner, and would like to know how you are going to rectify this?! I tried to shut my account down between the order time and the present, due to a late delivery which was meant to serve as a christmas present, however I could not find the process for this either!
This is not the first time I have been upset with play.com’s procedures. However it is this that is most upsetting.
Please forward this mail to your complaints dept. And email me with your response in the next 72hrs.”
I primarly used them because they are slightly cheaper than amazon. However after this and the fiasco at xmas, do I really want to save a few quid and recieve shoddy treatment? A simular thing happened a few weeks back. I bought £40.00 worth of things from the Disney Store in Cardiff, again before xmas. over 4 weeks later the money was taken out of my account! No email, no call warning me. yeah sure I bought the goods, but I expected payment to be taken a few days later not a month later. How and more importanly why do companies seem to do this? Are they back-handed secretly by the banks…..we’ll have to see.
Well, I’ve had quite a busy weekend so far. And I’ve concluded that I’m turning into my mum.
Firstly, Helen got released this week, which has brought joy and relief to our family. The court judge explained that if the social workers had listened to myself and my mum, Helen would never had been to prison. He also confirmed that she had thoroughly been let down by the system. Which I knew all along was true. But knowing the social workers had to hear that in court, gave me great satisfaction
Yesterday I went shopping with Elaine, something I’ve meant to have done for ages. I have vouchers that I received from Topshop, and I had a gift voucher from USC to spend. I thought the winter would be the perfect place to spend them. But upon visiting said top-shop, there was nothing. Totally uninspiring the flagship store has become. Or maybe it’s just me, now not accepting generic garments being thrown at me for 3-times the price their worth. Either way I still have the Arcadia vouchers. Helen might benefit from them. I have no interest in their stores anymore and my sister has lost alot of weight. So some new clothes should help the healing process, me thinks.
Anywhoo, after finding nothing worth my pennies in the T shop we appropriately descended on Principles. The older ladies choice. Nothing in their either. I was starting to think I had left the sales too late. On the other hand I was happy nothing was particularly striking. As this will push me further to create my own clothes. Keep my uniqueness and saves loads of money! Shelley’s shoes was closing down, but alas, amongst the endless rails of shoes there was not a single pair that screamed out ”buy me!” Just lots of sighs of ”bin me, biiiinnnnn me”. It was awful to see. A once reliable store was now reduced to bin man tactics to flock out the last of it’s wears. But why? I questioned. Was it the Schuh store that was lyrically next door? Who knows. All I know is that market st is shutting down, one shop by one.
So with the clothing stores, turning out to be a let down, the trip kinda developed into a beauty trip. With persuasion in Lush to try a new body butter moisturiser thingy. And then needed a new foundation, I bought a face mask too. So all in all did not spend that much. And the money I did spend was on products that should last a good 6 months, if not a year.
After shopping we took a de-tour to go-go juice (petrol station) dropped Becky’s charger off in good ol’ Radcliffe. And then went to asda to get veg to go with the corn-fed free range cluck cluck that was meant for tea.
At Elaine’s we worked away in the kitchen, pealing, chopping, roasting. The chicken was beautiful. It was so much more tender than a battery farmer and it was juicy and colorful. At £6 a pop David thought it was a tad expensive. But like all things in consumerism, the more demain, the cheaper the price.
We had another crack at me Nigella Express book too, and made a Tiramisu for dessert. Sadly it turned out to be a ‘leave to set’ overnight. So will have to nab some next week. As when making purchases at Origins we got roped into a facial! Never had one before and with a cheap price of £11, which you can redeem back from purchases, I say a treat well planned.
Good News regarding the room makeover. I put some stuff in the garage such as the christmas tree, old washing dryer and other boxes and there is a lot more floor room now. I sold my computer to my Mum, and am now using a made up computer with Umbuntu software. It is hard when I’ve been so used to windows. But atm for some reason it won’t let me play my cd’s properly or go on youtube. So with that and my car stereo not working, I’m living in a world without music. Which is strange as it allows me to think more. So I am getting things done. Such as writing letters to companies, returning things etc. To be honest, I’m just sorting things as I get to them but it leaves me with a great sense of achieving something. Speaking of which, it’s time to shower and sort some paperwork!
Adios.
1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Hmmm, tried lots of new foods, met lots of strangers, that are now good friends.
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I haven’t set any in stone yet for this year but I did keep them all yes. Passed my driving test, got a full time job, tried new things and stopped being a push-over, well sort of.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Erm, I don’t think so….some people have made it clear I’m no longer part of their life. So that’s kinda dying I think.
5. What countries did you visit?
I went to Germany with ATA. And it was great. I’m hoping to go to Canada, Germany andf France this year.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Money, it does make the world go round. And a career plan.
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory?
None, I don’t keep dates. I was a tad pissed I had to spend my anniversary alone.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting back into full time work.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Still not knowing what to do with my life. Not finding the time and patience to take up playing the Piano again.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, but I had physio for my back which has helped. I’m being tested for allergics as my IBS is at a rocket high.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I don’t really buy myself things other than essentials, as I’m THAT poor. Probably my £6 Ugg boot copies from Primark. I have 4 pairs and they make the ground feel like fluff!
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
David, for still putting up with me. Danny for getting back in touch, and John for being there when I needed him. Plus Jayne for embrasing me and our friendship.
13. Whose behavior appauled and depressed you the most?
My sister, as I worry about her lots. Laura, for not being there and fucking me off for no apparent reason. Various customer services for not giving a damn about their current customers. BMW drivers and WVM (white van men) for constanly driving up my ass or undertaking me. I’m doing the speed limit, dick. And Topshop for refusing to pay my last wage and treating me like a slave whislt I was employed by em.
14. Where did most of your money go?
On rent, bills and then paying monies back to Dave. Plus food and petrol to Wigan when I worked there.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A free holiday to Germany with ATA. I’m hoping to go back to Europa for my birthday, or in the summer. Great Place.
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2007?
The Proclaimer-Best Of. What can I say, I’m a cheese queen.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. Happier or sadder? Happier
2. Thinner or fatter? Thinner!
3. Richer or poorer? slightly better off but still a poor mug.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Invested in finding my talents and have gone on to use them for business. And watching contemporary dance, would have been nice.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Surfing the internet, worrying about people.
20. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?
I spent xmas with the nelsons, which was different.
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
David of course, and then probably John.
22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
With Don Mc Clean, yes. Yes I did.
23. How many one night stands in this last year?
Haha, none.
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Roswell High/The OC
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Only my manager, but she’s put herself in that postion.
26. What was the best book(s) you read?
Gulp, erm none…honestly only read Nigella Lawson’s Domestic Goddess, I learnt how to make pie though!
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Don Mc Clean, Explosions in the Sky, and the Rasputin guys from Wigan.
28. What did you want and get?
Love, chirpy metal birdies, and a digital camera.
29. What did you want and not get?
A classy ladies watch, a ‘youknowwhatthatis’ ring, a long holiday.
30. What were your favourite films of this year?
Disney’s Enchanted, The Science of Sleep, Corpse Bride, Can’t remember what else I saw in le cinema.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 23, and I stayed at the Alton Towers Hotel, woo! Go me, alton, age gain and easter!
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A holiday, a job I enjoy.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Hmmm, against the grain. I experiemented with a lot of looks last year, I even embraced the metalic and purple trends. But mostly I kept it simple with jeans and uggs, this will change.
34. What kept you sane? David, jaffa Cakes, Hope.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Oooo I can’t remember, probably James Spader.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Tony Blair leaving, woo-good ridance, and the strange thing is, I actually like Labour now Mr Brown is in charge.
37. Who did you miss? Paul, Laura, Lil and Sarah.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Well it has to be Jayne, followed by the ATAer’s and then Elaine Bold.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
When your down, stop kicking yourself, get back up and clean up the dust.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
”Cause I’m in too deep, and I’m trying to keep, Up above in my head, instead of going under, again”.
-Too Deep, by Sum41.
I just woke up and I want to go back to bed, for someone who can’t normally sleep when it’s light I’m preety freaked out.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!,
ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….Please?
I’m sick. I don’t know what the cause is at the moment, but I know it isn’t going away. This last year the problems with my gut have worsened. This has included the pains I get becoming more frequent and much more painful. Sometimes I cannot stand up.
I’m going to see the doctor on Friday. They’ve fobbed me off a few times now, explaining that they can find no lumps or bumps in my abdomen and sent me on my merry way. With a weight lost of a stone and a half, I think this time they will have to take notice. I’ve lost a lot of weight but the main thing that bothers me is the fatigue. I’m tired, ALL the time. I wake up and go to work and it is so hard, because I’m tired and then I get irritable as there are so many people at work who do not do the job properly. Then I get the tummy pains and don’t want to eat.
I’m not anorexic.
I think a few people have started to think this, including my family. I’m not thin, if I was anorexic I’d be a size 6 by now, and I’m a 10/12. Like most woman I bundle up the pain most days, I carry on and this of course produces stress. Which makes my IBS worse, which impacts on my gut, it’s a vicious cycle. I’m tired now and I’ve just had nine hours sleep. I hate the two late shifts I have to do at work. Mainly because it’s quite busy, and less time to spend with David in the evening. I get home, go to bed, get up and go to work.
I think after begging the doctor to do some test on Friday, I think I should take a break from trying to be perfect and just rest, basically.
Hopefully the doctor will take notice on Friday and then I can solve my super-tiredness. Goodnight, I mean Good-Morning. It’s off to work.’