Cheekbones to die for ♥

Or at least I can pretend that they are. The dog is asleep, the boy is getting some shut-eye before he paints the town whatever colour, and I had a plan to spend the night saving money, by watching movies and scoffing chocolates.

Alas, it’s three hours later and I’m still on the internet. Addicted to facebook, and the cycle I have of not utilising the internet to its full potential, just using maybe 3% in a spiral, a downwards spiral.

Apart from wasting hours of my life harvesting cyber farms, that will never truly come to fruition, I’ve been doing some thinking. Quite a lot actually.

I am about to embark on a new journey.

I am to become a student. Again.

This is a sentence that is used often these days, and will continue so until T-minus 27hrs when I will awaken and start my new even poorer life. A few months back there was the consolation that, at the end of my course I would have a very high chance of getting a job as a nurse, what I’m training to do. But with Mr Brown’s cut-backs, this is slipping away, which is fine, it just prods me onto Canadian soil even further.

Actually studying nursing is, I feel the next step on my head following journey. I am apparently good at diffusing misunderstandings and keeping the peace. And staying on a 13K salary for the next 2/3yrs is fine, but not my cup of tea. One of the things I’m looking forward to has nothing to do with the actual course. I can join as many societies as I like. So I fully intend on joining the University choir, drama society and dance society too. With so much soul food being eaten by my head, my heart is slowly shrivelling, and the poignant grey colour it once was is vanishing. Through no fault other than my own. But something I am really going to work on.

I’ve felt very down as of late. This year I’ve lost many friends, due to petty arguments or people being childish and taking things too far, or simply not caring. I’ve also lost my place on many social circuts, but this I know is due to working far too many weekends. (Something out of my hands). They say you know who your friends are when you look into your phone book and can call them anytime. I’d say there are 3 people who I can count on for this, 2 are my parents. I need to give people more attention, and hopefully now that I am actually flexible I can achieve this into the new year. Despite living in Manchester, people I trust, and admire either live in Stoke or Wales. Which just adds to the dynamic. But I have a car, and a pillow. I can make my life better right? I dread the day I will be sat down and told here is my medication, I must take them for the rest of my life. Hopefully this will never happen as a friend once said ”If you weren’t a bit mad, you wouldn’t be you, and it’s you that I like”.

There are so many parts of life that need attention. This year I haven’t been selfish, I think more selfless. I’ve supported my Mum and Sister none stop, attended court hearings after/on night shifts. Drove down at a whim when my Mum is scared to comfort her. Yet I don’t feel that support. When I leen back, there’s nothing or no one there. I don’t think I have had the physical time to process my own needs this year. And now I do, I’m beginning to see I need to take better care of myself. And in time, the support network will once again knit together.

Yorkshire Ambulance Service YK55FEP, originally uploaded by hpulling.

Yesterday, I played a Samaritan.

Taking a wrong turn out of Ikea, I decided to turn right at the lights and thus turning back to the motorway. I’d just pulled up and the lights were red. The to my right I witnessed a woman’s body hurling through the air, quite literally like a ‘rag doll’.

She had been hit by a car. I froze for a moment, then put my hazards on, jumped out of the car and ran over the road to join the babble of people surrounding her. People were mulling around. I saw a cool guy on his phone, I asked if he was calling an ambulance, he nodded. I later found out this guy was the driver.

So I did what I could and knelt down next to the woman. Her brother was with her and in so much shock. She had suffered a laceration to the head upon landing and was trying to move. I asked her to stay still, got her name and her brother’s name. With her brother I tried to keep her conscious.

I can’t believe the amount of people trying to put her in the recovery position. I tried to keep my cool, as I advised them not to do this, as she was conscious and they could hurt her back. I told them I was a MH nursing assistant which seemed to instill some calm.

I don’t have that much medical knowledge. But I knew not to move a person hit by a car.

She was complaining of her head hurting on the road so I shouted for a jacket. Someone handed me a jacket, I balled it up under her head. She stopped trying to get up. I asked someone to direct traffic, as it was a busy junction, and someone else to hold her legs down.
She looked as if she was slipping at one point, so I asked her to squeeze my hand and her brothers, I also kept asking her what her name was.
By this time, Ikea first aiders came and tried to dress the wound on her head. I can’t think why, maybe they were using their training in a panic. Being around the corner from GMP HQ, 3 police vans came, and 2 bikes.

It was a good 10 minutes before the ambulance arrived. I had guided her brother away and was trying to comfort him and his son, who I asked to turn away. It was no scene for someone young to witness.

I told the paramedic what had happened, how her injuries were sustained and then gave a quick statement to the police. I had offered to drive the relatives to the hospital. They wanted a relative to come, so I drove them to nearby Oldham.

I did what I think anyone would have done in that situation. I think everyone should go on a first aid course though, as she could have really damaged her back through other people’s actions.

I don’t know if I did the right thing staying and helping like that, but I couldn’t drive on and there were so many people just milling around. I keep having flashes of the woman flying up. It was like the drive safe, kill your speed advert. Mortifying.

So, how are you? personally, I’ve felt, walked, ran, and eaten better.

The last few months have been a blur. Mostly I’ve been sleeping, eating and working. Actually, I’ve been mostly working. I remember being in Jayne’s car, and saying how I would get a job at Prestwich Hospital. I would become a nurse, and that would generally be it. I think part of me was affected by Helen, and wanted to help other sick people. Part of me thought I could really do this and be happy. Watching Claire get her registration and be successful, along with praise from Sharon did create a spark inside. However this wasn’t a creative spark. It was a,

find

a

career

before

you

lose

him.

And so I got the job, and now have an itch. A six month itch I seem to get with every job I’ve had, bar my first. I think also growing a year older has made me realise, that whilst I need to chose something and start to build a career/life, I also need to be careful not to get stuck in something that could ultimately make me very unhappy. Canada too played a part in my decision. Nurse’s are high up on their wanted lists and getting a visa with that profession is very, Very easy to do. However as the months have rolled by, the immigration process has become more lax, to the point where semi-skilled people are now being excepted quicker, and in their droves.

Win. win.

With all this in mind I have been soul searching for the past 12weeks at least. There are so many choices that are slowly turning into dust as my youth fades away. Whilst I am much more tolerant of people than ever before, I simply don’t have to compassion to care for others full time. At least not those that constantly abuse the people who care for them. I find myself questioning my own sanity and that is not a great place or thing to do. I take solace in nothing. I suffer from extreme lows and highs. I’ve had 3 nurses say I am classic bipolar. Which is not the worse infliction one can have, if anything a diagnoses of such a kind would explain why so many people think I’m weird. I don’t understand why I’m different, this has been pointed out to me since I was small, and continues to be addressed.

Work is all that is on my mind, or rather a type of work. I love animals, but to care for them and be happy, I would have to be a vet. Whislt I do not doubt my dedication to the subject, and feel with the right education I could actually become a vet surgeon, there just isn’t the time. It would take me eight years. Eight years, I don’t have in either one of my pockets.

Then there is the art route. I am trained in the arts, adore the arts, eat, sleep and dream of different concepts, ideas and orders. No more jack of all trades, I would need to specialise. Musical theatre is the hand that grabs. I can sing, and sing whenever possible. I believe at some point I must have been a songbird. Singing in a musical, a world of imagination, far from the dismal day to day of this life. Yeah, I could live with that. Rehearsals, dancing, acting, a livable wage and chance to mix with a variety of people from difference genre’s and places. What could be better?

I really don’t know.

Well they haven’t been as happy as Coca Cola promised. As the new girl I have had to work over xmas. This week I’ve been working since xmas day and have just completed 3 late shifts. Now I have two early’s and then fingers crossed I’m off for new years.

Work is going ok. The paitents are o.k and most of the nursing staff are great. But someone, somewhere is taking the michael a bit. I knew I would have to do shift work. That I don’t mind. But for the past three weeks I’ve worked every weekend. And the last thing I want to do is to take time away from Dave or the Cattery.

I haven’t been able to forfill my charity work since I started and it has been noted

So grumble aside I hope to do a bit of sale shopping (online) tomorrow. If all goes well, just a few little trinkets to cheer myself up. As my TOTM decided to show up boxing day, so aswell as long shifts over the holidays. I’ve felt crappy physically too. I do think becoming dizzy/blurry is the last straw though, and so will retire to bed. I’ve made some more adjustments to the blog. Although the admin access seems to have vanished. And I can’t work out how to change the theme….

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My productiveness is at an all time high at the moment. I think this is partly fuelled by having a job I enjoy going to. Not just because the people are brilliant but because I am freely allowed to merchandise and my idea’s on how retail can be successful are taken seriously. Plus I get a great discount on crafty products.

Which leads me onto my craftyness. I’ve never considered myself a crafter, but I think i probably hold the title well. I’m currently working on a number of projects. I’m making a dress from some old curtains, a toy cat for dave, a rug that I found on a car boot for £1, 2x cross stitch patterns, some jewelery tree’s and I’m also working on some scrapbooks for xmas.

I’ve taken this productivity into my housework as well. Although the house always has some kind of mess, I’ve started to periodically put things away. For example, I will finish some of a project, then put three items away in a drawer. It is a slow process, but it does mean I can see how my tidying makes a differance and this also allows me to spread over several rooms, instead of concentrating on one. I had hoped Dave would pick up on this, but he seems to concentrate on one thing at a time. Which is actually fine, as he’s doing things like makes the house totally wireless, so we don’t have cables anywhere. He changed the living room around which was brilliant, and helps the tv to have no glare, and the plants have more light.

We’ve been talking about painting the rooms as of late, which is exciting. No matter how long we are at the house for, it would be nice to have some colour.

*Back to work.

Yep, today I was feeling pretty average. Had a productive evening, last night making a roast dinner, which I haven’t done in a while. And making sure David didn’t have anything to do as he was hungover, and that’s never a pleasant thing to witness.

So off I trolleyed to work this morning, lunch made, hair straightened, all jolly. Then I got stuck just as I turn off bury new road behind a stupid bint doing 20mph in rush hour! I was 2mins late to work. Which has been bumbling along. Then I got my lunch break and read the metro, which everyday proceeds to tell me how poor I am, that the country is going to the dogs, and the bank are going to screw me over at some point.

WOW, I did not know that. *Sarcasium added and not optional.

So to put t bluntly, I wish the metro’s journalists would go throw themselves off the nearest bridge. I’m glad I work where I do at the moment, Because at least I can go back to work and be inspired by other crafty people.

With the economy the way it is at the moment, here in the UK. We seem to have warped back in time and become truely thrifty. My idea of thrift was originally buying something from a charity shop that has been floating around for 30years. Yes this is thrift. But its not a thrifty life.

I’m working in an Arts and craft shop, which I feel is one of the best places to be at the moment. I’ve been here two weeks and already have started and completed three craft projects. I don’t think I’ll ever get to the level of the Lois/Harriet household, as they have a world of creativity buzzing around their home, and whilst Dave is creative, I doubt I’ll ever see the day when he’s crouched over my sewing machine. I actually think having to watch what you spend more closly is a great thing to happen in the long run. As It’s opened my eyes to just how spoilt we are in the western world.

Normally we’d go to Tesco and buy whatever we wanted, at whatever cost. Now we actually have to say, we can’t afford that. Let’s buy the cheaper or do without. Dave had the clever idea of us growing our own veg, which is very exciting for me, as my palette is becoming more varied day by day. And I’d love to be able to just pick the vegetables and be able to taste them without a care, like they do on River Cottage.  So Dave’s made a bed out of recycled timber, and put the compost down. All we need now is the seeds and were away We already have strawberry plants coming into full grown, they were planted this time last year though.

The garden is still quite a mess, we have both been working hard to try and made it look nicer, and become habitable for when we purchase chickens. I’ve weeded the patio and am making headway on the borders, and Dave is in charge of mowing and generally looking manly.

Another area that has become totally thrifty is my shopping habits. I love shopping, I love touching all the different textures, the displays, the smells etc etc. This….has all stopped.

Stopped. I haven’t bought a new piece of clothing now for three months. Part of me is sad, part of me is very proud. Instead of buying anything, I have been customising my own clothes and have dusted off my sewing machine to start making my own clothes. Something my Mum and Nana did in the 60’s. My Mum has given me her two year stash of Prima magazine, meaning I have patterns galore to play with! I hope when I have mastered many crafts, I can come up with some sort of temporary store to sell some things. It will bring in extra income and also help me to de-clutter regulary. With all this in mind, I have decided to have a crafty christmas. By this I mean that I will be making most if not all of my friends and families presents. Again another reason thrify living works! You can tailor your crafting to the individual, so they should love it. (fingers crossed).

*rushes back to work*

If you know me, then you should know by now I don’t use products testing on animals. I am totally against real fur, and am now trying to eat totally free range.

Whilst I don’t agree with the extremism of groups such as PETA and the group against Huntington life sciences, I do think they are some of the only people that are actually trying to stop unnecessary suffering where our furry friends are concerned.

Ok, so it took some time, but I do actually agree with those of you who think we should test on animals to further medical research, such as new treatments for cancer etc. But why should the animal be in pain whilst we are doing this? There are now hundreds of human testing centers, great! Do they skimp on the sedatives? Of course not, because in the natural order of things we are greater than any animal. So with this in the scientists minds, they don’t invest in proper or enough sedatives, and so the animals are in pain when they are going through these processes. All to save us.

It is torture in a way, and with the many synthetics now available should not be happening. But with global corporations such as L’Oreal not playing the game, why should the other companies bother? And it isn’t just cosmetics I have to watch. Boycotting animal tested products is a daily and consuming process. I have to research new companies, sometimes emailing them to ask if their centers abroad test. As it is now illgal in the European Union, but not outside it.

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Please watch the video. Yes it is a shock tactic, this seems to be the only way to get through to all those blind eyes though, doesn’t it? I’m not going to preach about how right or wrong your buying habits are. This is mearly a one way conversation about my own buying habits and the video about is one of the reasons.

I’m not just an animal hugger though. With all the undercover programmes exposing the major high st fashion retailers as exploiting the poor, I’m really having to re-think my what goes into my wardrobe. With all the alternatives the same stores are starting to offer being so expensive, I’m starting to turn to vintage and independent indie designers for my clothes. Yes it is a long process, but one I hope to have mastered within the next two years.

As for food, well that will take considerable longer. I would love to eat purely free-range foods, at the moment thought it’s not affordable.  Yes I am buying free range roast chickens, but what about the fillets? pork, beef, lamb, was that treated and killed ethically? This is a longer journey, one that makes me proud. And in turn I hope that David and any family we one day create will embrace this way of life too. Not as crazy, mixed up hippies. But as another way of living. A normal way. Just as we recycle now without a care, it has become second nature. And lets us contribute to cleaning up the earth, just a little.

To thoese who disagree with me because of pricing pressure, or just an ignorant of animals being more than the lower of the species. That’s fine, you’ve made your choice and I’m not going to question it. So I can only hope readers old and new do not discriminate against this blog either.

So I have been trying lately to tap back into my creative side. I am a scatty thing so there are lots of things I want to do. On the recent bank holiday weekend me & Dave got the paints, and canvas out and went about creating some pollock style paintings to dress the empty/artless walls in our house. Dave did a brown and red background, then gave up and went to be ill elsewhere. I on the other hand painted my canvas a bright blue and then began to splatter an array of colour everywhere. I thought it looked crap so I decided to rub over some of it which left a pretty mushed up streak. So I did this all over and the end result is brilliant, I think I’m going to hang it in the hall with the other pieces of art we’ve bought.

I’ve also dusted the sewing machine off and am currently re-constructing a floral dress I found in a charity shop. It still needs a lot of work, but hopefully I can sell it on fashionspace when I’m done and make some pennies. I think that poetry, or at least visual poetry is the way forward for me. Visual poetry is where you visualise your poem. This could be in a man made collage, or photography, video or if your really smart a mixture of all. My brain is pushing so many words and images around at the moment, its very hard to keep up.

I’m getting back into following music artists again, planning gigs and buying or downloading albums. I’ve recently heard some of Serj Tankian’s solo music. My, oh my, the poetic genuis that is political messages not forced or contrived but shared melt off his tongue and onto the most beautiful minor notes. Also loving Jimmy Eat World’s new album. Once again they have got friendly, come indoors for a piece of cherry pie emo rock down to a tee.

Listening to motivating music makes me want to get my keyboard out and give it a good thrashing. Maybe I could start piano lessons when I’ve sorted some pennies aside for creative interests.

Hopefully sometime when the rain moves on, me and David are going to do a car boot, and get rid of a lot of unwanted things.  The house is very cluttered at the moment, and whislt it isn’t the tidyest house in the world, it’s still home. And I like the slight disfunction that comes with me and Dave deciding things belong in a different place. Speaking of which, I’m going to do some sorting before Sweeney Todd is on at 9pm. Something to absorb, which is always a joy.

Anyone who does not like a distraction from life, is lying.